robertoluongo: in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke
weedrichards: YOU KNOW THAT FEELING WHEN YOU FIND A NEW FAVORITE CHARACTER AND YOU CAN FEEL YOUR SANITY SLIPPING AWAY FROM YOU AS YOUR HEART BURSTS FROM YOUR CHEST AND YOU SCREAM THEIR NAME TO THE HEAVENS
egberts: of all the dumb stuff i did when i was younger at least i can proudly say i was never a fan of annoying orange
do you guys realize we can change our lives any time we want like you can just go ahead and delete your blog, stop eating meat, shave your head, start running, tell that person you hate why you hate them so much, confess your love to someone and kiss them unexpectedly like why don’t we do that
leftforbed: leftforbed: mcsnuggie: true self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn why would the movie eat my popcorn nevermind i get it
rhydonmyhardon: oh so you’re into boys who don’t play by the rules huh? * bites into string cheese stick without peeling* mmm taste the rebellion
special-snowflake-hall-of-fame: stuckinaworldbeyondwonderland: As part of the tumblr community, I ask for everyone to stand by me and say FUCK YOU YAHOO! YOU WILL NOT TAKE OUR BAND BLOGS, OUR SHERLOCK FANDOMS OR OUR DOCTOR WHO FANDOMS! YOU WILL NOT RUIN OUR LIFE’S AND WE WILL FIGHT UNTIL YOU GIVE UP BECAUSE WE ARE A FAMILY AND FAMILY’S STICK TOGETHER. One last thing… I DO NOT LIKE YOUR...
yiaichenn: 221b-mine-please: pirenstoletheimpala: mycroft-queenofcake: iamjayse: thenerdfighterkid: slydig: tsarbucks: slydig: dont be mean be median or mode damn math fandom bloggers shut up we have a good range of jokes this is our domain guys we’re forgetting the point of this post and going off on a tangent Are you all done cos I’ve had enough of this by now ...
zachariebutts: grimdorkjade: omFG I TRIED PUTTING THIS GIF INTO TINYPIC AND IT CAME OUT LIKE I’VE BEEN LAUGHING FOR 37 MINUTES JESUS CHRIST IT WAS ALREADY FUCKED UP ENOUGH this is it. this is my most popular post. and it has killed me 57 thousand times.
connorkawaii: waking up the morning after finishing a video game
jkimisyellow: halefullofgrace: partynauseous: There it is… The DragQueen Coco Montrese makes her return ^^^
sermna: DON’T TELL YOUNG KIDS THEY’RE REALLY SMART AND WILL DO WELL AND ARE BETTER THAN OTHER KIDS, THEN GIVE THEM EASY WORK ALL THEIR SCHOOL YEARS they’ll grow up lazy and smug and then when they get work that actually challenges them they won’t do it, and then because they failed a semester they’ll be consumed with guilt and think their lives are over just don’t do it don’t be like...
Ladies, just because you meet someone that's a...
tigerrcat: its-a-threebatchproblem: OH MY GOD THANK YOU. I go to an all girls school, and it seems like all they think about is me “falling in love with them” or “having a crush on them”. Well I don’t. I hate ALL of you. THANK YOU
beatofhiscocaine-heart: gatzzby: hannahsneakers: why don’t they have big hyped up award shows for books i mean best male/female character best antagonist best plot development best plot twist come on #book you threw across the room the hardest ^^^^YES
elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: jusst-another-day: simplymykayla: cnnbreakingofficial: if tumblr was bought out for $1.1B and there are 60 million blogs that means each blog is worth $18.3 my blog is worth more than i am Well actually it would cost anywhere between $5,000 - $250,000 to hire an assassin to kill you so chin up hun, you are worth so much more than $18.30 first the...
cowboybeboop: viste: cowboybeboop: reblog if u were on tumblr before yahoo bought it IT’S LITERALLY BEEN LIKE A DAY AND WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO ACHIEVE WITH THIS POST only a true tumblrite would understand. you just outed yourself as a yahooligan
warpedesto: do you ever just make a friend and think I am so glad this friend is mine
simoncowell: niallhoran: louistomlinson: zaynmalik: liampayne: harrystyles: baby you light up my god shut up u lil shits
it scares me that you never know what someone is thinking or feeling towards you and everything that they say could be one massive lie
*Mom hands me phone to answer*
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well can I speak to your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which one is home?
Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So who's Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
Her: So Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No I didn't.
Her: Y-yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.